I thought about you so much yesterday that at one point I could have sworn you were still here with me. I was carrying your camera that your sister sent me and I kept thinking of the exact cracks in the sidewalk that tried to trip you. You know, that time I walked the Queens shoreline down to Brooklyn to meet you and you walked back with me over the Pulaski where we met our friends at Hunter’s point. I realized I was walking that exact path again, except our friends weren’t there but neither were you. I stopped on the bridge and looked down at the water, for a split second I thought about joining you. We promised each other so much and I know you were sorry you couldn’t keep yours, I thought, only for a split second, that maybe I could keep mine. I looked down and right there written in your handwriting was “살아갈 만 합니다” the memories hit me like a hurricane. We stood in almost the exact spot almost two years earlier, hand in hand, when you took a marker out of your bag, looked around, and started writing. Suddenly there was a downfall of tears, you weren’t here, I was alone, wishing you had taken your own advice. I stood up straight, didn’t even look around to see if anyone was around, I didn’t even care, I took a marker out of my pocket and as if your hand was on mine I traced over “살아갈 만 합니다”, I said out loud “because you never know if someone needs to read that”. I read it, took a few photos with your camera, and continued my walk to Hunter’s point. I wish you had a way of knowing how much you mattered to everyone, to me.
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